I was in the midst of channel surfing for a documentary when I happened to notice that TMZ was on.

Fine.

I was full-out watching TMZ.  What I watch on television is not the topic of this post.  The topic of this post is far more ridiculous – and by that I actually mean worth of ridicule – than my TV watching habits.  The topic of this post is frightening in it’s stupidity; so dense is the topic of this post it shocks me that these two morons are even still on the planet because they should have been sucked into a black hole of vapid a long time ago.

The topic of this post?

Idiots.

The TMZ story that I watched was about how these two fucking idiots have given themselves Indian names, and “are getting more in-tune with our spirituality … and will be known as the name our creator has given us – our true native-AMERICAN names.”

Let’s be clear about this.  They GAVE THEMSELVES these names.  These names were not bestowed upon them in a ceremony rife with spiritual belief and long standing tradition.  It was not a solemn ritual.  Unless you count a drunken skinny dip in the pool where Mr. I’ll-Do-Anything-For-Publicity looked over at his plastic “wife” and realized that he didn’t fucking recognize her and had to call her something because she was looking at him with that blank, my-personality’s-faker-than-my-tits look on her face, a solemn ritual.

White Wolf and Running Bear?

WHITE WOLF AND RUNNING BEAR?!

Here, you two assholes.  Let me bestow upon you the names that you so richly deserve.  I’d light a couple of candles for effect, but I’m afraid that the combined wind whistling through your ears would put them out.

I hereby proclaim you to be:

.

..

Not worth the extra two minutes it would take me to come up with something.

Go fuck yourselves, Speidi.

/rant.