Posts Tagged ‘advice’

I don’t generally often ask people for advice.

I have this illness where I find it really difficult to ask for help, even if I need it desperately.
I think that illness stems from this other illness I have.
It’s called hating stupid people.

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And it never ceases to amaze me the kind of advice stupid people give. I mean, I’m fortunate that I have some really smart people in my life that give me excellent council. I also consider myself lucky that those people will see past my insistence that I don’t need help, and help me anyhow.

Most often, the thing that pisses me off is people that think they’re giving you some kind of advice, but in fact all they are doing is puking up platitudes all over you.

Platitudes are not advice.

Platitudes are just another way of saying, “I don’t care enough to think about your problem, so here is a regurgitated gem of false-wisdom that will make it seem like I’m a deep and caring person, when I am actually a self-absorbed moron incapable of independent thought.”

In other words, a fuckbucket.

If I’m having an issue with a co-worker, the last thing I need to hear is that there is no ‘I’ in team. I can spell. I already know there is no ‘I’ in team. But oddly enough, there are two ‘U’s in fuckbucket.

And if you think you’re being helpful when you remind me that money doesn’t buy happiness, then by all means, please give me all of yours and we’ll see who is happier at the end of the day.

Also, for the record, when I am already frustrated at missing the concept, or not getting the instructions quite right? Reminding me that it’s not rocket science will likely make it rocket science for you when I kick your ass all the way to Saturn.

It pretty much boils down to this: If your idea of advice is to vomit the contents of a fucking motivational poster all over me, don’t bother. I would much rather you take me for a drink or ten and literally vomit all over me. It’s probably more helpful. And it’s sure going to be less painful for you.

I don’t mind getting bad advice that is offered from a place of caring. If someone takes the time to try to council me from their heart, and their experience, then I am going to listen. I might not take the advice, but at least it’s going to add to my arsenal of ‘what not to do’ when it comes time to act.

But if all you care enough to do is tell me that the sun will come out tomorrow, I’m likely to ignore the hell out of you.

Possibly after making silent plans to make sure you don’t make it to tomorrow.

To those of you who care enough about me to offer me real, caring, thoughtful advice, I thank you from the bottom of my non-existent heart.

To those of you that offer me platitudinous, pretentious propaganda?
Piss off.

That is all.

Now that's good advice.

The 50-50 Challenge is an idea that Chrissa from A Little Wicked and I came up with. It is based on a list of 50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits, which can be found at Demanding Joy. We were inspired to make it a blog challenge. If you’d like to participate, please do. Be as inspired as we were.

I sat here this morning trying to figure out what the best advice I’ve ever been given is.

You’d think that it wouldn’t be that hard. Turns out, it’s not easy to figure out which piece of advice to talk about when you’ve been given a lot of really good advice over the years.

I have been really lucky to have had some awesome advisers over the years. I’m not sure that I can really pick just one bit of advice that I’ve been given that I can call “the best”. So, instead, I will share with you the gems of wisdom that stick out in my (relatively uncaffeinated) brain this morning.

And if they are stuck in my brain without the addition of coffee?
Then I know that they have stuck with me.

Ya gotta make hay while the sun shines. ~ Dad

This one used to piss me off to no fucking end. It was always said when I was in a piss-tastic mood, awake way earlier than I wanted to be, and off to work on a Sunday after not having had a day off in weeks during the middle of summer. I used to think that it just referred to the construction industry, and the fact that there was only so much time during the summer to get the work done. Of course, now I realize that it is applicable to life in general. You have to take advantage of the good situations and make the most of them, because you never know how long they’re gonna last.

It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. ~ AHW

I know that this is a well known quote, but it wasn’t to me when I first heard it uttered by my supervisor at work when I was seventeen. I am attributing the quote to him, because whenever I hear it, I still hear it in his voice. I wanted to change something at work. But I was the new kid, and what the hell did I know? I talked to Arnold about it – the man is very much a second father to me – and he gave that little bit of wisdom back to me. I have remembered it since. It is very good advice, and I have found it to be true each and every time I have applied it.

Perception is reality. ~ DC

Again, this might be a well known quote, but if it is, I don’t know. Given to me by a manager at an old job, it means very simply that people’s perception IS their reality. It really doesn’t matter what ACTUAL reality is. Each of us sees reality through our perceptions of it. And not taking that into account when dealing with everyone from your paper boy to your boss will cause a lot of frustration. Seeing someone else’s side of things isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Don’t let it make you crazy. ~Khayyam Wakil

This is a huge paraphrase of a convo with Khayyam that happened in the middle of the night in the not too distant past. But the essence of the quote I think I got right. This was in reference to some social media bullshit, but really, it applies to life in general, and I find myself repeating it often. Damn good advice. Because in the end, we’re the only ones that have the power to make ourselves crazy. Or not.

The real key to success? Make other people feel special. ~ Owen JJ Stone

I had an awesome chat with Mister Stone one evening. It was quite unexpected, and completely out of the blue. But it was stellar. If you ever get the chance to do so, I highly recommend it. He is not OhDoctah for nothing. We chatted about stuff in general, and when the conversation rolled around to his utterance of this sentence, I realized that he had just put into words a philosophy that could be world changing. Y’know, if people got their heads out of their own asses and started thinking about making other people smile rather than themselves.

Static: don’t start none, won’t get none. ~Sylak Saladais

Very recently, I have added this to both my Facebook and Twitter profiles. Why? Because it’s just plain #truth. (That’s right, I just hashtagged a blog post. Sue me.) To me, this means just what it says. You leave me to live my life and do my thing, and I will return the favour. However, if you choose to shit on me or those that I care about, you might want to watch your ass. Because I can – and will – fuck it with a muddy workboot. Just sayin’. I will try not to start it, but if I have to, I can finish it.

See why it was so hard for me to pick just one?

What’s the best advice you have ever gotten?

The 50-50 Challenge is an idea that Chrissa from A Little Wicked and I came up with. It is based on a list of 50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits, which can be found at Demanding Joy. We were inspired to make it a blog challenge. If you’d like to participate, please do. Be as inspired as we were.

This is way too simple… Think like a man, Lori.

That little gem came straight out of a conversation that I was having recently with a friend. A friend who is, as it turns out, a man. At least I hope he’s a man, because if he isn’t, then this whole post is going to be a bigger disappointment than the last episode of the Sopranos.

I might have had to ask for clarification on this particular comment, if I hadn’t have been relatively familiar with the subject matter. I’m lucky that way, I guess. I’ve been around men in their natural habitat. I worked in construction for years. That’s about as close to a man’s natural habitat as a female is likely to get.

Unless she finagles her way into the locker room.
But then the level of naked might cause her to forget what she was there for.
Or maybe that’s just me.
HA! Like hell it is.

Anyhow, I’ve seen how men think. I’ve seen how they make decisions, and more importantly I’ve seen how they deal with their fellow cock-sporting humans.  It’s not complicated.  Men – for the most part – keep things simple, and they tend to just say what’s on their mind.

At least when they’re dealing with other men.

I can’t say for sure how they think when they’re dealing with women.
Although my theory there is that mostly, they’re thinking about boobs.

Over the past day or so, I have attempted (when the situation calls for it) to think like a man. When asked for my opinion, I have stated it clearly and emphatically, and then moved on. I didn’t try to cushion the blow, and I didn’t try to figure out every possible outcome prior to saying what was on my mind.

Which, for the record, was not boobs.
Although, that isn’t the worst word to end a conversation on.

I’m the kind of person that is more than happy to extend a hand to the people that I care about. It’s just that in some situations – like dealing with other females who keep jumping back into a quagmire of their own making – extending that hand should probably come with a well placed STFU.

A STFU delivered out of love.
But a STFU nontheless.

The interesting side effect of this has been that my own stress level has dropped. Like, a lot.
I also realized that it’s totally awesome that I can touch boobs anytime I want.
Kidding.
Kinda.

BOOBS!