Posts Tagged ‘stupid’

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

So, yeah. I’m pretty sure that this is supposed to be one of those questions that inspires me to think about all of the wonderful ways that I could change the world if I had the power. And I’m completely capable of writing one of those inspiring posts. Honest, I am.

Just not tonight.

Tonight, the first thing that came to my mind was that if I had the power to change the world, the one thing that I would change is that stupid people need to be in pain – on account of the very fact that they are stupid. Since we can’t just go out and kill them all, then at the very least I think that when stupid is displayed, it should be painful.

Wait…
We really can’t just go out and kill them all, right?

Next time someone asks you how you like the weather in the midst of a raging blizzard? That motherfucker is going to get a cattle prod shoved up his ass on full power. And when that dumbass bitchwhore in front of you at the checkout line decides that she needs to check the last year’s worth of lottery tickets while you’re trying to buy your one fucking item? She gets a muddy boot-fuck straight in her ear.

Also? I want lasers on my car for every cock-smoking prick that cuts in front of me on my roads. Also? I would very much like to have anvils hanging from ropes at strategic locations where stupidity is likely to occur. That way, I could hit the fuckbucket button on my stupidity remote and reduce the stupid person’s head to a crimson stain on the pavement.

If there aren’t enough anvils in the world, pianos would do nicely, too.

Also, parents? If you are too stupid to pay attention to your children while out in public, and they decide to come over to me and start wiping bodily fluids on me like it’s their job? I get to come over and play battering ram with whatever heavy object happens to be close to me. Grocery cart, chair, your spouse… whatever. I’m going to hit you until you bleed stupid.

I don’t think I’m asking for very much here.

I just think that if stupid has to exist, then the rest of us should be able to exercise our right to help alleviate the stress that stupidity causes.

And before you ask?

No, I would not want to completely abolish stupidity, or stupid people.

I mean, really.

Without them, who would I bitch about incessantly?

/rant.

The current challenge is brought to you by myself, and the ever delightful Chrissa over yonder at A Little Wicked. The Challenge questions are pilfered from Marc and Angel Hack Life, and their stellar list of 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. We hope you enjoy the posts, and if you’d like to take part, the questions are yours to answer.

What would I do with the power of invisibility?

Well, for starters, I’d confuse the hell out of people by posting an invisible blog post.
Why is not the question here, people.
WHY NOT!? is the question.

On top of invisiblogging, I would do the following:

Oh, and if you’re looking for noble pursuits, you’ve probably come to the wrong place.

I would actually PUNCH SLOW WALKING PEOPLE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! That’s right. I would totally do it. Not just slow walking people, but stupid people, too. There would be a lot of head-punching going on. Everyone and anyone that deserved a head punch would finally get one. Because with great power comes great responsibility. Know someone that needs it? I’m your invisible punching girl.

Have you punched a douche today?

I would also randomly whisper things in people’s ear. Inappropriate things. Things like, “Hey… have you ever wondered what it would feel like to do the hokey-pokey naked in the doorway your boss’s office?” It would entertain me to no end to see people’s reactions upon thinking that their own brains had come up with some of the shit that my brain comes up with. It’s not mean. It’s called sharing the love. SHARE IT!

Elevators would be a laugh riot. What could be more fun than grabbing someone’s ass on an elevator and then watching the havoc of everyone trying to figure out who did what to whom? Oh, and you could totally make a game of it with your invisible power having friends, too. If you cause a swearing tantrum? Ten points. A face slap? That’s a cool one hundred, right there.

Oh, the fun I could have with the local authorities. Like obtaining the fastest car I can, speeding like a demon down the highway past a cop, and then having him chase me before pulling over and leaving him to wonder just whom he should be citing for invisible speeding. And yes. By ‘obtain’, I likely mean ‘steal’. Don’t look at me like that. You know you’d do it too. And I swear I’d return it. Y’know, after the cop checked himself into the hospital for a brain scan.

Okay, so maybe these aren’t the nicest and most friendly things that I could do with this particular super-power. But after I have alleviated my frustrations, I’m sure that I could find ways to become a benefit to society with my powers. Honestly, I’m sure I could.

It’s just that these things tend to come to me first.

Because who hasn’t wished for some invisible hand to come from nowhere and bitch-slap a damn fuckbucket fool when he needs it? When you think about it, that might be enough of a benefit to society right there.

Just sayin’.

PS ~ If you can’t see the invisible post, just say the magic word (the magic word is INVISIBLOG!!) and then highlight it.  What, like you wouldn’t have made a post about invisibility invisible? Heh.

The 50-50 Challenge is an idea that Chrissa from A Little Wicked and I came up with. It is based on a list of 50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits, which can be found at Demanding Joy. We were inspired to make it a blog challenge. If you’d like to participate, please do. Be as inspired as we were.

Oh, right.
I have a blog to write today.

I’ve been having such a supercallastellarificexpiala-awesome day, that I almost forgot. Which, on the one hand, is an excellent reason to forget to blog. And on the other hand, it’s an excellent reason to forget to blog.

But, seeing as I am here, I might as well jot a few things down.

Today’s list, in which I am to relate all of the compliments that I have ever been given, seems to me a little narcissistic. I’ve never been great at accepting compliments (I am working on that) so to list a bunch of things that people have said about me makes me a little uncomfortable.

So instead, because I am feeling saucy, I present you with a handful of the worst compliments I have ever received. In no particular order, and with as many personal details about the compliment-or kept to myself. Unless I just accidentally blurt out their names in a fit of bitchiness.

What, like it’s never happened before?

And we’re off!

“You have really pretty hair. I’d like it better short, though.”
Um, what? I still don’t really know how I was supposed to take this one. What I do know is that I wear my hair long now, and will be keeping it that way. For a very, very long time to come.

“You’re cute, like a lost puppy. Can I take you home?”
I’m sure this was supposed to be cute. Or charming. Or at least not as totally creeptacular as it came out. But basically, I was pretty sure the guy had just referred to me as a dog. Even in a cute and charming way, I don’t know a lot of women that would be happy with a dog reference. Just say’n.

“You’re weird. But I guess it suits you.”
First off, I am aware that I’m not exactly normal. But I prefer to call it something like ‘eccentric’. Weird? Only people that I have already established a good rapport with can call me that. Because I know they like my little weirdnesses. But on top of that, the really bad part of this was the “I guess” attached to it. It was like he was trying to convince himself that what he was saying was true. I told the jackwad that he was weird, too. But that it didn’t suit him at all.

“You understand this pretty well. For a girl.”
Um, yeah. Fuck you and the gender-biased horse you’re being dragged by, you neanderthal ass-napkin. This fuckwaddery was handed to me during a discussion about the process of quality control testing methods for a certain product. A product that I had been around longer and knew far more about than his sorry ass could ever hope to imagine. Grrrrr.

Those have to be the winners in my personal contest of worst compliments.
I hope they stay the winners, too.
I’d hate to have to update THIS post.

If you have to ask...

The 50-50 Challenge is an idea that Chrissa from A Little Wicked and I came up with. It is based on a list of 50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits, which can be found at Demanding Joy. We were inspired to make it a blog challenge. If you’d like to participate, please do. Be as inspired as we were.