Posts Tagged ‘WTF?’

So, yeah.

Not the best little blogger, am I.
And apparently, the time away from blogging (read: ranting) has made me start talking like Yoda.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

There. Random Star Wars reference is out of the way.
Combined with a random Seinfeld reference.
I still got it.

I haven’t blogged with any regularity for a while. I make no apologies, because it’s my blog. And because life was happening all around me, and I was taking part in it, and next thing you know, I’m titling a blog post, “Like, OMG! I have a BLOG!”

It’s like when you go grocery shopping and you bring home a whole bunch of lovely fresh veggies to make a stir fry with and then that night you’re too tired from grocery shopping to cook so you order a pizza, and then the next night there’s still pizza, so you have that as leftovers and then finally on the third night you think, shit I’m gonna have me some stir-fry and you go to the fridge and the veggies that looked so lovely are now looking like the dog’s breakfast and then you just stand there and look at the fridge as if it’s going to puke out some awesome ready made meal like the replicators do on Star Trek, which of course never fucking happens, and you kick yourself realizing that you didn’t cook the veggies, but since the pizza totally rocked, it’s all good in the hood.

It’s totally like that.
Except with fewer run-on sentences.

So anyhow, I’m blogging.

And I also accepted a challenge from the lovely and talented (she is) Chrissa over yonder at A Little Wicked (she is). As both of us need to get back into our blog-girl panties, we found a list of bloggable questions that we’re going to use as fodder for our brains and fingers.

There was only one problem.
The list was fifty questions long.
Yeah, no.

So, we decided to split the list up, one of us taking on the odd numbers, the other of us taking on evens.

All that was left was figuring out who took which.
And in true ‘we don’t want to pick’ fashion, we conjured a way for us not to have to decide.

We posted on Twitter and Facebook.
“Odds or Evens”
The number of answers each of us got decided.

(Insert thanking of friends and twitterers for unknowingly taking part in top-secret project, code-named “virtual coin flip”.)

To no one’s surprise whatsoever, the overwhelming majority of MY responses were “Odd”.
Fuckyouverymuch, friends and twitterers.

50 questions.
25 posts each.
2 posts per week.
2 friends pulling up their…

Blog-Girl Panties.

Many thanks to Tom Slatin and his wonderful blog for the inspiration for this challenge.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Let’s see…

I was born in March of 1970…

It’s 2011…

Let me get my calculator…

Oh.

Oh, shit…

Yes, I cheated.

You, in fact, have no idea how badly I cheated.

I didn’t even make my own tombstone.

A great big thanks to guest-blogger Dean (@Saladais) for the fricken awesome graphic, and for thinking that designing my tombstone was as hilariously fun as I did. 

~*~

The current challenge is brought to you by myself, and the ever delightful Chrissa over yonder at A Little Wicked. The Challenge questions are pilfered from Marc and Angel Hack Life, and their stellar list of 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. We hope you enjoy the posts, and if you’d like to take part, the questions are yours to answer.

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

So, yeah. I’m pretty sure that this is supposed to be one of those questions that inspires me to think about all of the wonderful ways that I could change the world if I had the power. And I’m completely capable of writing one of those inspiring posts. Honest, I am.

Just not tonight.

Tonight, the first thing that came to my mind was that if I had the power to change the world, the one thing that I would change is that stupid people need to be in pain – on account of the very fact that they are stupid. Since we can’t just go out and kill them all, then at the very least I think that when stupid is displayed, it should be painful.

Wait…
We really can’t just go out and kill them all, right?

Next time someone asks you how you like the weather in the midst of a raging blizzard? That motherfucker is going to get a cattle prod shoved up his ass on full power. And when that dumbass bitchwhore in front of you at the checkout line decides that she needs to check the last year’s worth of lottery tickets while you’re trying to buy your one fucking item? She gets a muddy boot-fuck straight in her ear.

Also? I want lasers on my car for every cock-smoking prick that cuts in front of me on my roads. Also? I would very much like to have anvils hanging from ropes at strategic locations where stupidity is likely to occur. That way, I could hit the fuckbucket button on my stupidity remote and reduce the stupid person’s head to a crimson stain on the pavement.

If there aren’t enough anvils in the world, pianos would do nicely, too.

Also, parents? If you are too stupid to pay attention to your children while out in public, and they decide to come over to me and start wiping bodily fluids on me like it’s their job? I get to come over and play battering ram with whatever heavy object happens to be close to me. Grocery cart, chair, your spouse… whatever. I’m going to hit you until you bleed stupid.

I don’t think I’m asking for very much here.

I just think that if stupid has to exist, then the rest of us should be able to exercise our right to help alleviate the stress that stupidity causes.

And before you ask?

No, I would not want to completely abolish stupidity, or stupid people.

I mean, really.

Without them, who would I bitch about incessantly?

/rant.

The current challenge is brought to you by myself, and the ever delightful Chrissa over yonder at A Little Wicked. The Challenge questions are pilfered from Marc and Angel Hack Life, and their stellar list of 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. We hope you enjoy the posts, and if you’d like to take part, the questions are yours to answer.